Distance of the heart... An e-mail from a close fren which is so tru...

though this is an old email tat my fren sent me... but i wanna share wif u guys... those who noe how to read chinese... hahaz...

THANK YOU~

Its kinda nostalgic after given de same answer by de same person... heh... but nw i'm free... i've dreamt of touchin tat bittersweet blue sky.. but through the way i fell... fell and i got myself hurt... hehe... finally a giggle... sigh.. a sigh of relief and a sigh of sadness... it overwhelms my heart... but i think its also a sign of relief... i feel a whole lot better after gettin de answer... and its like tat blue sky is moving on... and a new dawn is coming... that stone... wait.. boulder tat crushed my senses have been relieved and taken away... i c things more clearly nw... for that i thank you... thank you for teachin me how to grow up... thank you for havin telling me the truth... u'll always be my special someone... heh... my special fren... thanx....

finally my mind is free... free from all tots... thanks... thank you... from the bottom of my cold blue heart...

another post another heartache...

i guess i wont be tellin wad i wanna tell u thru msn i guess.. i can only hope tat u really will read it in my blog... my feelings.. all of it in this post... -BIG SIGH- its been like forever since i've talked to u.. but today... finally today i open tat big fat useless pipe-hole of mine and spoke to u... though there's not much point in talkin... all ur answers are flat and monotone... haiz... but it is already a big relieve tat i spoke to u... it some how blowed some of my troubles away just listenin to ur voice.. but in tat voice i felt tat there's somethin u wanna tell me.. maybe its jz a wrong guess... haiz... i also found out tat ur sick... i've reminded u always to take care of urself... haiz... maybe its jz tat i'm such a worrywart... haiz...


enough bout her for this moment and let me recap one wad i am and did durin this week...

1. missin her like missin de world
2. test... trial... killin me...
3. still missin her like nth else matters
4. listenin to how to say... emo songs... techno and deep trance
5. finally talked to her
6. still need to find out things bout her

thats all for the week i guess... haiz... my head has been like shoutin STUDY IQBAL!!! but my heart is shoutin... screamin... I AM HOOKED ONTO U!!! haiz... too different major organ functionin in a stupid useless organism...

never mind... been motivatin myself... with my msn pm... just let it go...

if u guys wanna noe wad is my pm then here it is...

If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.

i think its quite true... i hope she'll give me de answer one day... and i hope she noes how i feel bout her... and i really hope tat she'll read these post that is meant for her... and noe wad to do...

the urge to blog.... letting off steam...

hey guys.. i think its been forever since i post a new entry... i broke my promise to myself...

Matter no.1 going on in my head

hhaiz... am such and ass... haiz... feelings inside of me... thoughts goin through me... its all..... A HUGE MESS!!! $#@%#@$#@%$#@^$# haiz.... its not the first time like this.. but why does it happen... i'm confused... i'm like having a fight in my brain... going on everytime every hour every minute... one part says... SPM!!!! the other says... She's jz in front of u... go get her... both got their reasons... both are killin me... haiz... i'm so so so SO useless... couldn even write a proper blog.... haiz... den i start to compare myself to the others.. i found out... tat i'm jz a piece of... Sh**t.... haiz...

Matter no.2 going on in my head

the second thing is still her.... i dunno why..... its jz her.... i'm drownin myself in deep trance techno now... talk about kill joy... haiz... wish i still had tat pack of ********* wif me... haiz... den i can let off some of my steam... but i got rid of it... so.... stay healthy.... i gotta get my head back into study now... but i jz cant... haiz.....

Matter no.3 going on in my head

i cant think of anythin... o god... will u jz let me die... i'm feeling miserable... but i don wan this feeling to go... how ironic eh.... haiz... humans are always like this... they... we don wanna let go of anythin.....

Matter of frenz

frenz around me..... i tot i had loads of frenz... but i finally noe tat i only hav a few frenz i can really let my steam off... thanks guys... gonna miss u when i move to qatar... some frenz r jz to hav fun wif... in my case... most of them... i wanna b closer wif u guys... but sometimes... i jz find this wall blocking us.... not only wif my frenz....

but wif "u" also... the wall between u grown even bigger... AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!! how come i always go back to her???? call it lust... call it a way of runnin... but i jz cant get u outta my head... i think i'm really sick.... sickly in...... haiz.... i think i'll leave it here now... hope u read this and understand how i really feel... i jz wan u to noe tat this guys is officially hooked on to u...